My fight

The past is over. I can't get back. The future is not here yet. I just stay in the middle of nowhere. I'm not sad, nor happy. Not even something in between. My soul is empty, I'm invisible. It's dark around me, but I'm not scared. I don't care. I don't scream, I'm silent. I try to hear my thoughts. I can't, my mind is blank. I'm not awake, but I don't feel like in a dream.  I have memories, but they don't feel mine. Everything happened in another world, a world I belonged to. I lost it. I lost myself.

I feel something is missing, but I can't remember what.  I don't know what I want. I don't know what I have. I just stay here, away from everything I might not want to find out. I'm too tired to be disappointed again. I'm not ready to face up life. I counted on someone, I'm sure I never thought I can make it on my own. But no one is here to lay next to me. No one is here to remind me of who I really am. Who was I to ask them to sacrifice anything for me? I made too many mistakes to deserve their help. I see me crying, they never did, they never understood. But it's my fault. No one likes people who always have problems.

I must break through these chains that hold be down. My heart is beating. I'm alive! Lonelier than ever, but willing to fight for my one chance of learning to live. I've done this before. I must get used to being alone again. This is my fight with myself, with destiny, with the ones who turned their backs on me. The past is over. It can't hurt me anymore. The future starts with one step. I must just gather myself together. I'm not strong, I'm weak. But I have to stand up. For the last time!