The game was over. We won the fourth time in a row, so we hit the playoffs and the crowd was cheering so loud that we couldn’t even hear our coach congratulate us. And that wasn’t something that happens everyday, he usually is tight with words when it comes to flattering. When we lose, no one can stop him. He is not a bad human being, he just says we are men, not cry babies. His philosophy is that as members of this team our duty is to win, and we must not make a big deal out of doing what we actually have to do. But last night was different. We drunk beer in the locker room and the boys went to celebrate the big achievement in a pub, but I didn’t join them. She was waiting for me in front of the hall, smiling as she smiled to me the first time I laid my eyes on her.
It was the second game of the new season and we were playing against the champions, The Blue Devils. They were leading us 44 to 18, the ball just didn’t want to get into the hoop, I was feeling miserable, when I saw her. Did it ever happen to you to find a stranger’s face familiar? Maybe from a concert, even though I haven’t been to many, from the supermarket, maybe I’ve seen her on the street before, or maybe she has been to all our games, but that was the first time I noticed her. Is there a perfect moment to meet your soul mate? Can it be right under your eyes, but you don’t see it until that perfect moment comes? We lost the game, no big surprise, and after the coach’s usual lecture I ran to find her. It was too late, so I went back to the hall. Most players love a full hall, I love an empty one. It’s the best place on earth to hear your thoughts. I lay on the floor for hours, doing nothing, just trying to figure things out. When the hall is empty, no one expects me to shoot, no one expects anything from me and that lets me breath. That night I thought of her, a girl I knew nothing about, I couldn’t get her beautiful smile out of my mind. When I was like 4 years old I thought love is what surrounds you at Christmas morning if you stop opening all the gifts and listen. When I was 15 I was in love. My happiness was measured in her heartbeats, her eyes comforted me like sunshine after rain, we kissed until we felt like two chapters of the same book. Hand in hand, we walked this earth on clouds, together we made sense. Then, one day she said goodbye with no reason at all and I thought love is pain, tears, the fear of losing someone you care about and loneliness. Now, at 19, I don’t know anymore what love is. I saw her again at the next game. Same spot, same smile. It was like she was supposed to be there. Secretly, I played for her and I gave the best performance of my life. I didn’t let her disappear again. I asked her out and she said yes.
Eight months later, she was waiting for me in front of the hall. She always does that. She snicks out after all games and waits for me. But her smile couldn’t touch my soul and I didn’t know how to tell her I felt one world apart. I felt like that for a couple of days. I tried to focus on the game, thinking that a win would make be feel better. But it didn’t. Neither did she. I hugged her so hard I thought I’d kill her. Still, I didn’t feel her with me. I felt my life had no purpose, I didn’t see a tomorrow for me. For us. Everything went black. And what scared me the most, was that I felt I’m not good enough for her. A voice in my head was telling me I must let her go, if I love her. She felt something was wrong with me, but I calmed her with a kiss. I left her at the door of her house. She was crying, but she didn’t know why. I went home. Mad thoughts were running through my head. I couldn’t keep my eyes open…The game was over!
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